Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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