glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think my fart just growled at me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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