I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
