just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
