no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
