In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
