some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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