this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
