That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
