Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
