The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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