His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
