i think i recognize dicks better than faces
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
