I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This baby is an asshole
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
