even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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