The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
