i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
