and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
