how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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