If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
