I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
