If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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