Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This baby is an asshole
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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