So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
