I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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