I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
