he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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