You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
