His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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