Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize