wrigley field is MILF paradise
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
