I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
