dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
