is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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