her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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