i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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