Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
