Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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