you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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