Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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