Im at strip club and am horny
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
