so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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