I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
