The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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