respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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