Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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