we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
