i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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