My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
