i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
