shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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