I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
