somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
