I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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