awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were destined to go to rehab together
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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