Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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