You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
