yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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