wakey wakey hands off snakey
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
