I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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