She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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