I like my sex mixed with concussions.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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