He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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