Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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