I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
