you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
