it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nicole vs. Life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
