Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can feel your judgement through the phone