A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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