just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad