Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.

(847): View more from Illinois

parking. I am not drunk

Fav 9 1330 853
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

Fav 111 1481 13891
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(636): View more from Missouri

tequila makes her clothes fall off

(512): View more from Texas

wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time

Fav 28 2207 8417
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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

Fav 31 1568 6957
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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(763): View more from Minnesota

I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.

Fav 7 2792 1436
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(303): View more from Colorado

Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.

Fav 12 947 1980
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

Fav 14 2418 769
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.

Fav 0 366 135
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(256): View more from Alabama

He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.

Fav 0 11 74
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