so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
