you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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